luck......

sometimes wht you most want never ever happens...damn! It kills to wake up every morning dreaming that "tht one thing" will be completed today ...but it just doesnt HAPPEN! I guess this is wht they call "man proposes and god disposes" these are the times when u get soo mad at god....for creating u, creating the problems and NOT creating the answers!!!! and then you cant find the answers, u start searching more deeply high and low....The biggest question " where did I go wrong" and I cant find the answer........................LOrd pls helppppp

reflections

how would you feel, when the BIG decision you made in the past is back firing on you! totally......the worst is when the person always reminds you of a decision that you made and calls its self centered decision!!!! you doubt your own character....were u really selfish...You hope to find that answer but its so difficult.....it keeps on poking you at the spot.....are you really happy with the decision you made, may be you were selfish......it makes you hate your character....dont even want to see your reflection on the mirror....damn! but its not so easy you know to just accept it all.....you wish it was more clear.....in today's career oriented world...you are stuck betwn love and career...and anything you choose is anyways a mistake....

confessions

families is the best to confess, and I think we grow so much as we age....our relationships with each other also changes. I cant think of the past, when once me and my brother even spoke about our emotional breakdowns as a reaction to other ppl's words or actions.....we did today when we are in the 23 and 27! grownup you would think...But I think we are become more childish inside....ready to openup ....
It is also suprising to hear abt incidences, where the damage was created from someone you respect so much.....
I have this very nice "curse"....when I too exicited about something....in reality it goes haywire...to the extent that I SHOULD hate it....my family, my place change...now I dont dare to get excited about anything....I rather prefer it NORMAL...than to make it worst......

old memories

what happens when you find your old autograph book.....the one that ur crazy classmates filled in before biding good bye in high school, not to mention the whole 12 yrs of frdship.....wow! wht were we all thinking ......lOL! each other's dreams, wishes, preferences.....and where do we stand today....how many questions has time answered...from ambitions to dreams.........
some played it safe, by not mentioning abt their ambitions ( like me....;).. and others more bold.
its all cool now....well reality has its route....
its even more interesting to see wht ppl thought about u, thought where you will be in the future...impressions you made on them....and the impressions they made on you !!
we all change, but not much ....I am sure some where deep inside...the same old crazy idiots do sleep....even if we r 4o yrs old or more.....
just got to dig deep.....

after christmas with frds

mmm....frds can be so many different types, especially when you are r the two polar opposites, its gets really interesting.....think about this scenario....2 frds....same age, same sex, same career ...but totally different world views.......how will you feel about that!...interesting at times, tough at some ..........so many emotions can be involved when these 2 worlds interact.....intimated???scared?? jealous???? (mmmm squeezzing my brain for more).......the worst is when you turn back and look where you came from........how the world ard you has evolved....and how you have changed with it....in so many ways.....are you really rite in all the decisions you have made through the journey !!!....mmm this is really a deep thing to think about!! and a tough one too......
and now you are trying to see 2 totally different worlds, through each others' lens....ooffhhh....its a hard one....exhausting....
there can be so many instance when you just agree, just becoz you dont want the other person to feel hurt...but in reality your inner soul is screaming the rite OPPOSITE!!!!
your beliefs can be so different, ideals, rightousness....could be too.....but you just have to find one narrow similarity and HOLD ON to it.....just there....
but I also wonder if the other person ever gives so much of thought into what YOU feel......do they really CARE!!!...coz there are so many instance their words just HURT! consciously or UN...
the real doubt comes in when they behave as GOOD frds with you espeically when they NEED something from you...it seems like they totally didnt say anything sarcastically .....hurted you????? NOOOO......either they r unware of it (1% possibility) or forgets it (10% ) or just assumes that you dont care, (still have attained they goal of hurting you) (89%).....
well everyone is just so different.....and this is just one section of the population.......you just have to learn from them.....

hi

Hi, Ok I am totally new to the cyber world....mmm well I just wanted a space to write my thoughts.....things just get out of hand...when too many things run throu ur head.....
mmm how do u feel when someone just keeps tell you what to do.....even going to the grocery store....damn you want to break out...and scream ur head off....LOL! damn thts how I feel...o well its like a coke can in ur head......just shaken....the pressure...wow!!! ...just at one point, you just to let it out...so u say something, but the problem is that when u do get it out, the concequence is totally detrimental......and once again u end up blaming yourself for all the events....the worst...is to attack your self concept you have.....
And the other BIGGEST problem is, when you see the same person advicing someone else, how to TREAT others, giving the "other" FREEDOM.....LOL!!....u laugh and cry at the same time....coz thts all you can DO!!!!!
DONT TELL ME I AM THE ONLY ONE HAVING THESE FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!